


You can't Leave. Not Again.

by Zyrie



Category: X-Men (Movieverse), X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Charles Has Issues, Erik Has Feelings, Hank has a reasonable grudge, M/M, Poor Charles, So this is my first work in 3 years?, Telepathic Bond, Telepathy, Trust Issues, X-Men Apocalypse, spoiler warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-10
Updated: 2016-09-22
Packaged: 2018-07-14 04:01:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7152554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zyrie/pseuds/Zyrie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first night, after finishing with the reconstruction of Charles' school, the nightmares began. And considering one of two known telepaths at the school was moving towards him, Erik figured it had to be the other. He barely registered the hurried explanation she gave before he found himself running down the halls.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The mansion was completely rebuilt in approximately a week, restoring it to its former glory, and the students returned, happy to be back at their home. They should have all felt safe. But then came the night where those who were still awake felt a creeping sense of pain and torment flow into their consciousness, and those who were asleep, turned that sense into a nightmare. With the students tossing and turning, and more wandering the halls looking for a professor to speak to about it all, Erik Lehnsherr had walked into

a waking nightmare of confusion and hurt.  
Erik had been persuaded to stay an extra night after the mansion had been finished, just to recuperate more, as Charles had put it. He did not have a chance to do a whole lot of that though, as while he was trying to fall asleep, he became plagued with the feeling of almost dying. He snapped awake, and found himself out in the halls as well, wondering why. Echos of a voice trailed through his mind,

_You can't...can't leave..._

What he was sure was a mental punch to the face was accentuated at the end of the thought. Erik absentmindedly ran a hand over his cheek, where the punch would have been. He only knew of two telepaths in the school, and seeing as the girl with red hair, whom he remembered was named Jean, was hurriedly running towards him, obviously scared, he knew that Charles was projecting. She was mildly out of breath as she spoke,

“Please, I can't reach the professor telepathically. It's like he's blocking me, blocking anything he doesn't trust. He's stuck in a nightmare, remembering battling En Sabah Nur, and a lot of other things. But you were in his thoughts too. We have to wake him up, if it continues he's going to hurt everyone more. I don't know why you're in his nightmare, but you are, I think you can help him. Stop looking shocked.”

Erik hadn't realized he was staring at her, incredulously, but it did not take him long to be running down the halls, remembering where Charles' bedroom was from his brief time here, twenty years earlier. He was not at all surprised seeing Raven and Hank already in the room, most likely trying to get Charles to hear their thoughts instead.

Charles…

The professor was oddly still, almost too unnaturally. The barely healed scrapes on his temples looked to have begun to bleed again, as a small bead of red blood dribbled out, mixing with the sheen of sweat that coated him, before Raven wiped it away with what Erik presumed was one of Charles' many handkerchiefs. The man's breathing was low and quick, but he did not appear to be in pain. There was an eerie calmness to his face. Erik couldn't seem to get his feet to move past the threshold, and he stood in the doorway, casting a shadow over the man he called friend once.

Hank glanced at him coolly, “He's projecting to everyone, but to me and Raven, there's specific...incidences...that we're hearing again. He's angry, he's afraid, he's hurt not only physically, but the fight with that madman also left him mentally damaged and drained.”

“Charles' shields are like a window, it keeps his power inside, but also prevents everyone's thoughts from reaching him. What happened last week, was like breaking it with a gigantic ancient baseball bat,” Raven said. She gingerly sat on the bed, and placed one shockingly blue hand over her brother's. “He has bits and pieces of it put back together, but he's still fragile. He's blocked us. The only time I saw this was when we were kids. He was sick, and couldn't control it. We've been trying to reach him, even with Jean's help, but, nothing so far. And then, Jean saw you, in his mind.” Her eyes turned to Erik, pleadingly. “He described the astral plane once to me. It can either be a haven or a hell. He knows you're here, and don't bother trying to deny what you two have Erik. I've known the both of you long enough. Get him out of it.”

_You can't...leave._

Frustration flashed through Erik. “What do you expect me to do? You said you were trying to reach him through your thoughts, it clearly hasn't worked. So what if I'm in his thoughts, it means I am part of the problem too,” he barked. Hank's fist clenched and he opened his mouth, ready to retaliate against the man that had betrayed him and the professor.

“Or, a solution,” the young girl spoke up. “I think...I think that you have a chance, especially if I bridge your consciousness to his. He's obviously thought about you. What I saw was you two, here at the mansion and a satellite moving.” Erik shifted uncomfortably. That end of summer, in 1963, was the last happy memory he had, until he had found Magda, and his daughter was born. But just like them, that memory was replaced with sorrow, violently ripping away happiness soon after it happened. “He knows you, he knows your mind.”

_Can't leave..._

Jean offered out her hand to him, and with some hesitation, he allowed her to pull his hand, and guide him closer to Charles, finally finding a reason why to cross the threshold. She telekinetically pulled a chair from the small desk the professor kept in his room, that had been shoved in a corner, as the wheelchair was enough. She positioned it next to the bed with an inch between the two, and motioned to Erik to take the chair, as she carefully sat next to her teacher, and placed the tips of her fingers on one hand to the man's temple, avoiding the half-healed injuries there.

As Erik took his seat, he noticed his heart rate. It was faster than he would have liked. He couldn't pinpoint if it was due to an underlying fear of his mind being tampered with. Raven gave him a nod of reassurance, just before he felt finger tips meet the side of his head. Just like Charles did...all those years ago, he thought. Soon, he heard Jeans' voice enter his mind,

_Follow me._

His vision was suddenly black and he was falling into an abyss.

* * *

 

Hank caught Erik's body as it slumped forward, easing it back with a gentleness that even surprised him. Out of everyone, this man showed up in the professors' jumbled mind? The one who betrayed them all and caused so much pain? He sighed, “If this works, this still doesn't fix anything he did.”

“It will be a start though,” Raven offered with a shrug. For now, all she cared about was making sure Charles was freed from his psychic pain. They'd deal with Magneto later.


	2. Chapter 2

Erik's consciousness awoke in a world of lividus light. Jean was next to him, eyeing him as he cautiously stood up in the astral plane. He took a moment to look around, noting that this world was practically empty where they stood. 

“This is, uhm, unusual. I didn't know it would be so, lacking here,” Erik commented. It isn't that he did not understand that telepaths and others with mental based powers had access to a different level of existence. Charles made sure he understood that, when the two first began to train with each other before Cuba. Erik never thought that he would ever see this though. Jean nodded in sympathy for him and pointed ahead,

“This area is what it is like a buffer zone, between what's rebuilt of a shield and one's consciousness. It's a no-mans land right now, but if everything was better, you wouldn't even be able to get here,” she explained, carefully. She did not even know if she could trust this man, and she was letting him inside the professor's head. She knew what he was capable of, what he had done in D.C. ten years earlier. But, she had no time to second guess herself as she heard the echos of Charles' mind around her,

_You can't leave...not again..._ _Erik, please!_

Erik looked at her, as clearly he heard it too. She nodded slightly, “If we move forward, you'll see that he actually has rebuilt some of his shields. I only got Raven and Professor McCoy to the edge of the shield before the professor...well, kicked us out of his mind sort of. I think you have a better chance.”

Erik couldn't deny now that Charles specifically asked for him. He tentatively took a step forward. It did feel like there was a solid floor beneath him, but, he could never be sure, with everything being the same color. Jean walked a little ways in front of him, her hair acting as a rubescent beacon guiding him. It did not take long for them to find what heartbreakingly little Charles had rebuild of his once considerably strong shields.

Easily, they were able to tell that the shields took the image of the mansion. It was a safe zone for Charles, and seemed so simple. What they looked at now could barely count as rubble. There was half-walls constructed , too tall to look over, but unfinished. From what Erik could tell, what was closest to them was the entrance in to the main hall, judging by the great old wooden door that was the only portal into the inner sanctum of Charles's mind.

“He was once so strong...how could he let his own mind get to such a state?” Erik wondered in minor shock. Jean shot him a quick look,

“He hasn't had any time to fix his own shields. He had to help me rebuild mine after whatever happened in Egypt.”

Erik nodded and continued to inspect the pitiful state of the shield. Looking at the half-walls, he noted a black dust-like substance was left in certain areas,

“What's that?”

“It's residue. It's like really negative psychic energy gathered up in certain areas, like when En Sabah Nur and him were fighting, before it becomes just a memory. That can effect how one's powers function,” Jean explained, peering at the wall, looking at it carefully for a moment. She had only heard of this in class recently. Her eyes widened, “He...he tried to tell me about it. He just taught me about it.”

“Same old Charles, never giving a straight answer about being hurt or not,” he scoffed, remembering the look on the man's face when he first experimented with Cerebro. “Explains the nightmares everyone had, at least.”

“It doesn't explain you though, why I saw you.”

Jean, for the first time, really studied the man that the professor had called for. His eyes were sorrowful, with a known guilt hitting him.

“Believe me, it does.”

Erik's hand outstretched, reaching for the door. Jean smacked his hand away quickly,

“Just to warn you. This is where Raven and Professor McCoy got kicked out, when they tried to open the door.”

He did not bother replying to her. What mattered was getting to Charles. What mattered was stopping everyone from feeling a nightmare. His hand touched the center of one door, as there were no doorknobs to either, and gently pushed it, though, it would not budge.

“Charles. Let me in. Your student says that you've called.”

Nothing moved as he attempted to push the door again, with more strength this time.

“Charles, I know you can hear me.”

Again, nothing, even as now two hands were pushing on the door.

_Going to leave again...always leaving._

“Charles, my old friend, please.”

_Leaving again. Like all the others. Taking them away._

The words were like wasp stings. He was right in what he did, he was sure of it. Charles had betrayed him! It was suppose to be the two of them, taking the world on, together. It was almost twenty years ago, that Cuba happened. Surely that would be more than enough time to forget it happened. Forget, that he was the one who left Charles stranded on the beach, the one who paralyzed him. The one who took his sister, and others, and now, most of them were dead. Forget that everything they both wanted had been taken from them one way or another.

Erik's hands were no longer on the door; they were tight fists by his sides,

“Charles, I-I'm not going to take anyone. I'm not going to leave you like this. You're hurt, I see it. And I see that...that I need to help you. Please. Will you let me in, my friend?”

There was no reply through telepathy. Instead, the door cracked open and Jean smiled.

“He's letting you in,” she said, an air of a laugh in her voice. “Be careful. His mind is still very fragile. Take a step in, then I'll go in, I want to talk to him too.”

Erik pushed the door open with ease now. Behind the door was definitely the main hall, but it looked like a storm had ripped through it, with walls having innumerable cracks and fractures. Where there would be tables lining the hall, were splinters lying on the floor. Half-built door frames leading to, what Erik figured would be, equally destroyed rooms were riddled with scratches.

At the end of the decimated hall stood Charles, looking at the destroyed hall around him. Erik took a step forward,

“Charles-” he started. The door slammed shut behind him before Jean could begin to move. “Jean?”

No answer from her followed. But a sad voice filled the silence,

“Hello, Erik, my old friend.”

 

* * *

 

Jean's eyes snapped open as she was violently thrown out of the astral plane. She felt herself falling from her seat next to the professor, knees hitting the ground, but luckily Raven and Hank were there, hands on her shoulders in aid before she smashed her head on the floor. She inhaled deeply, trying to gain some composure, as with the help of her other teachers, she stood.

“Got kicked out again,” Hank stated. Jean nodded, and in short breaths she managed to say,

“He's there. Erik. He's still there.”

Raven took a step back as Jean was steady enough to move away from the two men, who still remained unresponsive. “What do you mean he's there? Don't you have to be there too?”

“Professor Xavier let him through the shield and kept me out. He's going to be stuck there now, until the professor lets him out. I know Erik's done a lot of things, but…but did he and the professor – did something happen, where Erik took some people with him, and left the professor?”

Hank let out a disdainful huff, “Yeah, something like that. But, the professor is always talking about forgiveness. This can be a good start for him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lividus - blue/grey
> 
> Thank you for reading and the lovely comments <3 Enjoy my b/s-ing of the astral plane and psychic abilities.


	3. Chapter 3

Erik took tentative steps forward towards Charles, bits of broken glass seeming to crinkle under his feet. He wondered if treading on those already shattered pieces damaged the fragile shield more. When nothing happened, he continued down the hall as normal. Never in his life had a hallway felt a mile long as this one did. Charles never spoke, never moved, and never looked him directly in the eyes as Erik moved down the hall, meeting him at the end of it, where the grand staircase should have been.

“I would have thought you would have taken time to fix your shields and regain control of your power,” Erik said, crossing his arms. The professor looked down at the bits of ruined wall that gathered around his feet and his shoulders slumped,

“I had to get my school rebuilt first, get the students back, make it feel normal again,” he sighed. “And, I had to help Jean’s shields recover, and remain under control. That girl has a power the likes I’ve never seen before.”

“Typical of you though, trying to take care of everyone. If you took care of yourself, I wouldn’t be here in the first place. This...residue, Jean called it, from the fight with En Sabah Nur, it’s creating nightmares for the students. You’re projecting, Charles.”

Erik cautiously reached out and placed his hand on the other man’s shoulder, in an effort to not only to console Charles, but to also steady himself. He should have been more surprised when Charles immediately shrugged him off. Stammering some, Charles turned to look at him,

“I-I’m sorry, old friend, but please, refrain from touch right now, as that might stir some negative psychic energy. I’ll admit, all of this is still quite fragile, in fact –” Charles paused for a moment. “I’m quite lucky not to be in a coma or worse.”

Erik could fully see in the telepaths’ eyes, but even for knowing him so well, Erik could not imagine that Charles’s eyes would look so dull; so tired, so drained, but still there was a hint of some emotion Erik couldn’t place.

“I am glad then, that this is the worst of what could of happened. What would your students do without you,” Erik quipped. The corners of Charles’ lips tilted up in a gentle smirk, but there was no semblance of mirth to it.

“If you were around from the start of the school, as it should have been, they would have looked to you.”

Erik found himself holding his breath at that, and a bitterness filling him. “I am no teacher, Charles. This is the second time you’ve had your school, how long will it last before more military personal come in again? I heard you discussing the incident with Raven.”

Erik suddenly regretted saying what he did. A typhoon of rage emanated through Charles’s mind.

* * *

The three in the professor’s room remained, despite failing attempts to resist feeling all the anger that the unconscious telepath projected. Luckily for Jean, she had strong mental shields, aiding her in resistance to the storm of anger: Hank and Raven were subjected to the full force of Charles’ outburst.

With her head cradled in her hands Raven muttered, “Goddamn it Erik, what did you do to set him off?”

“It’s Erik, I’m pretty sure he has a secondary mutation; pissing people off,” Hank replied. He had to take a seat, as his legs were shaking, in trying to defend himself from the projection. “He was suppose to fix it, not make it worse!”

* * *

“Maybe if you had been here in the first place, none of what happened would have taken place. Maybe you wouldn’t have joined with En Sabah Nur. Maybe, you wouldn’t have betrayed everyone, again. Maybe Alex wouldn’t be dead. Maybe you wouldn’t have handed me over to be a vessel for that monster.”

“Is that why I’m here, so you can tell me how wrong I am again, Charles? How your way is the better way? Because I’ve done what I needed too, to survive? Whereas you’re content to stay here, in your mansion, avoiding the world around you, giving these kids some false sense of hope that humans will ever change?”

“Like it or not, Erik, you are still human too!” Charles’s voice lowered, venom dripping in his words, “Look at all you have wrought. Look at what you’ve destroyed because of your need for survival. Whom you took from me, and are now dead. How many died because of you? You were ready to let me die too. Again. Cuba, Washington D.C., Egypt...When will it be enough?”

Erik could have handled being yelled at endlessly about his way of mutant liberation being incorrect. He could have handled seeing Charles filled with rage and even striking him as he did ten years earlier, when he was freed from prison. Charles, instead, sank to the ground, and drew his legs in close to his chest. Anger had faded into sorrow; a sorrow that Erik knew he caused. He had never imagined seeing the proud professor so broken and helpless. In that moment, Erik figured himself to be truly heartless. He was the blame to this, nothing else.

“Charles –”

“You were going to let me die, Erik. After everything else had been taken away from you, I was the figurative final sacrifice you had to make, in order for you to be absolved of all guilt if you continued with your plans.”

There was no point in making an argument, as Erik knew that Charles was right. He _was_ willing to let his old friend die, after he had taken everything from him, after leaving him. If only Charles could see that his way was correct, then it would not have to be as so.

Charles continued, voice forlorn, “You had said to me in Cuba, that you wanted me by your side, but that becomes your decision.”

_And I know you well enough to know that you’re_ _planning_ _to leave again. I beg you though, to please, end this violent cycle. I don’t want to lose you, not again._

The telepath’s voice echoed through the plane. Erik could barely get his thoughts in order. There was a growing sense of shame within him.

“Why...why have you never made me stay?” he questioned. Unsure of what else he could do, Erik sat beside Charles, waiting with baited breath for when the professor does kick him out of his mind.

“I told you that I was never going to get inside your head again. I meant it. Erik, I would never attempt to control you, to make you stay. It wouldn’t be right, it would take away a part of who you are.”

Erik’s eyebrow raised, “And which part is that, exactly?” he asked.

“The part that challenges me. I do disagree with your methods, obviously, but, you make me think. For a time, after my school failed the first time, after Sean and Alex, and most of my other students were drafted to Vietnam1, I began to believe you were right. That the rest of the world wanted to see mutants dead, and all we could do was defend ourselves, was to fight. I did not want to be a part of that though.”

“That’s when you began to use the serum Hank developed.”

Charles nodded, “I have seen what rage does, to others, and to oneself now. It is a damaging entity. But, you’ve used your rage to survive, to form who you have become. This is why I called to you though, in my projections it seems.”

“How so?”

“If you stay, you would no longer have to use your rage to survive. You would no longer have to destroy everything. You would be willing to let me live.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1 - Headcannon that most of the students, the first time Charles opened his school, got drafted to the Vietnam war.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not dead. Got a new job though and I'm dealing with anxiety stuff too. Thanks for waiting.

_You would be willing to let me live._ The words echoed in Eriks mind. He knew that Charles would always oppose him, but, to let him die...he hadn’t considered the possibilities of Charles dying in the midst of his anger.

“Cuba, you left me stranded on the beach, paralyzed. You nearly dropped a stadium on me in Washington. And you would have let me been destroyed by En Sabah Nur. You would have let him take my abilities, and let him use my body as his new vessel as he destroyed the entire world. Did you not think of this?”

Erik, stunned by the sheer hate and sorrow in the professor’s voice, could only remain silent. Charles, standing, held up three fingers,

“Three times, Erik. Three times you’ve almost killed me. Old friend indeed. Some days I wonder if my actual death would bring you peace.”

“Charles –”

Erik couldn’t say anything against the accusations as he too stood again. Somehow he wanted to believe that he would never hurt Charles, but, looking at the man standing across from him, he understood that Charles was the one thing that he _had_ to kill, if he were ever to have his vision for what the world should be become a reality. Charles was the man that was the antithesis of all he believed. The man who still had hope that humans and mutants could coincide in harmony. The one thing that kept him from achieving complete independence for mutants, at the cost of the humans. The one who reminded him that he too was still human.

As only a human could almost kill the man that he cared so deeply for.

A wind of energy whipped around as the pain Charles kept so carefully locked away freely flowed through his mind, causing Erik to stumble back in surprise.

“You could have killed me! Why didn’t you kill me? Wouldn’t that have solved everything? Am I truly the only thing in this world that has kept you from your selfish views of mutant supremacy?” Charles was roaring by this point, tears falling freely from red-rimmed eyes. The violent energy had created a vortex around them, and spikes of crystalline energy quickly materializing around the telepaths form, creating a wild sort of shield, crafted of emotion rather than of logic, made simply to protect him and no one else. “Out of everyone, I had the greatest hope for you, that you were better than Shaw, better than the people who took your parents. What’s stopped you then, from finally getting me out of the way?”

Erik, awestruck, squinted against the wind, and took a hesitant step forward as another crystalline spike rose near him in warning. What remained of the shield that took the form of the mansion was gone, as the fragile shield broke against the outburst. The astral plane around them bended to Charles’ will.

* * *

The projection shook everyone in the mansion to the core, to the point where some untrained in shielding and dealing with telepathic energy were subject to passing out. Those still able to remain conscious experienced twenty years of rage and blame that had not fully been forgiven. In the room with the professor, Jean managed to stay alert, as McCoy and Raven were going to be of little help now. She knew that to have to fend off that much power, that the professors’ last shield to the outside world must have finally been torn down. An idea came to her,

“The shield’s down, maybe...can I –?” she whispered to herself as she placed her hand on Erik’s temple and fought to get a part of her consciousness to him into the astral plane.

* * *

 Untrained in understanding telepathic abilities in the real world, and much less the astral plane, Erik had to guess as what would happen if he began to walk towards Charles. He almost hoped that this was some of the residue from the battle with En Sabah Nur was effecting this strange outburst. He silently prayed that this was not entirely his doing. He gritted his teeth and though, _What am I suppose to do?_

If Erik had been religious, hearing Jeans’ voice again would have been considered a miracle.

_Erik! Calm him down, by whatever means necessary! Stop him from hurting!_ Jeans’ voice struggled through the psychic storm to him. _I don’t think he’ll intentionally try to hurt you!_

Erik instantly figured at this point that talking was not a viable option any longer. The only thing that had succeeded in was creating more of a distance between them. A distance not only mentally, but physically.

The shields were gone, and if this unchecked emotion continued at this rate, there was a strong possibility that Erik was going to lose Charles, no matter what he did. He remembered what Charles had said earlier, about refraining from touch due to his mental state. Breaking that rule would be the only way he could bring order to this chaos.

Erik took a few more steps forward, holding his arm up to protect himself from the psychic wind. The crystalline spikes, nearly as tall as him, grew out of the surface, threatening to stab him, but never doing so. The spikes had created a small labyrinth rapidly. _Charles doesn’t want to be alone any more. He wants to be found, no matter how much he hurts._ Luckily, a labyrinth only had one correct path to the center that it so desperately tried to protect. The wind threatened to throw him into the spikes as he walked the pathway that wound around the epicenter. He had to believe what Jean said. He had to believe Charles wouldn’t intentionally harm him, even though, he had almost killed the man three times. The only one that was a constant after he had repeatedly lost everything he had held dear.

One that he knew he could no longer ignore and fight against.

Charles became synonymous with hope and home; something Erik had long tried to build for himself alone, when there was an extended hand, ever waiting for him if he needed to grab it. _Maybe,_ he thought, _it could work._ The memory of his daughter flashed through his mind, with the love he felt for his family, a feeling he thought was lost after he was found by En Sabah Nur. A feeling that he could think of Charles with.

As Erik reached the center of the labyrinth, the spikes grew taller and tighter together, leaving only one, evidently shrinking, opening to reach out to the telepath, through the crystal casing. It was almost as if a mirror was held up. The pain the two felt was not born of the same cause, but equally raw, powerful, and born out of hopelessness. _Of all the people, Charles Xavier, to lose hope. I am so sorry, my old friend._

Erik fit his arm through the opening, as the egg-shaped dome continued to grow, wanting to close around the telepath. His cautiously brushed his fingers against Charles’, before interlinking their hands together.

The wind stopped, and the crystalline structure froze. All that Erik could see through the slit his arm fit through was Charles, standing in almost complete darkness, except for the streak of light that hit his eye. Erik would never forget the defeated look in once bright blue eyes.

“Charles. I’m here.”

_You will leave._

The tone of Charles’ mental voice was lifeless.

“I will not leave you, Charles. My old friend, please, believe me when I say this; I am not going to leave you. Forgive me for being so blind as to not realizing something earlier.”

_What?_

“You are home to me Charles. You are who I care about. You always have been, and I’ve been to afraid, to stubborn in my own right, to see that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The crystal thing I'm borrowing from Pokemon 3: Secret of the Unknown (where the character Molly uses crystals to protect herself and Entei). Other than that, please comment, I'd really like to know what you guys think.

**Author's Note:**

> As this is my first story in about 3 years, and for XMFC/Sequels movie-verse, I would really like some feedback. Thank you for reading so far, and updates should be regular.


End file.
